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4. You order a glass of white wine, hoping that it will be better than the red wine from last time (and the appendectomy, from the time before that). In retrospect, Duncan prefers the red. WELL, Duncan clearly views the past through "rosé"-colored glasses, because actually both the red and the white were pretty bad. You nod along to his criticisms anyway, in a rare attempt at something akin to being supportive.
A. Ummm... drink more? (PROCEED TO CHOICE 5)
B. Order a goddamn burger already, Jesus Christ Mary and Joseph hallelujah (PROCEED TO CHOICE 6)
C. Order a secular burger, blessed by the Noodly Appendage of the FSM Himself (PROCEED TO CHOICE 7)
6. The garlic burger comes with thick flakes of fragrant fried garlic and a generous heap of bright green chopped chives, all delicately piled atop a nice slice of lemon or lime or whatever that you definitely cannot eat, not even a little. Frankly stymied as to the logic involved in this arrangement, you scrape off the edible bits and toss the offending citrus to one side, putting out Duncan's left eye in the process. Your plate doesn't look nearly as nice anymore (and neither does Duncan), but at least you already took the pictures.
8. The miso soup is forgettable. Wait, why are you here again...?
10. The rice is fluffy and white, which is nice, but other colors of rice would also be nice. You don't discriminate. You wish there were more, but then again, you could have asked for more, for free, when you ordered. Soooooo...
11. The Great Duncan is of course all-knowing, but, unfortunately, he reveals the secrets of the universe to only a very lucky few... All the same, entitled solipsist that you are, you think that you might as well give it a try. Assuming the attitude of an intrepid 18th century naturalist explorer, you put your bag in the peer-pressure purse-basket, tie back your hair, roll up your sleeves, and spelunk into the blueblue pools of his wise eyes. All is insanity and you drown immediately.
A. END GAME (END GAME)
CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN FOODVENTURE
- Part II -
- Part II -
1. You two make such a good couple: a veritable pair of Matthew C. Perrys on a mission from Jesus and Buddha and all those other guys, to bring the great nations of America and Japan together in holy culinary matrimony. You bravely disembark on the shores of Yamamoto バーガー restaurant with your proverbial sextants still in hand, heads windswept, wenuses well-oiled, stomachs rumbling for some thick meaty servings of cross-cultural burger-lary.
A. Fuck that I'm gonna have some juice. (PROCEED TO CHOICE 2)
B. H- hold on a second! I fear the implications of cultural imperalism! (PROCEED TO CHOICE 3)
C. Humo(u)r the authors, and actually order something from the menu. (PROCEED TO CHOICE 4)
2. Huh? It's carrot juice.
END GAME
3. LOOKS LIKE IT'S BACK TO BERKELEY FOR YOU, YA COMMIE!!! DON'T LET THE CARROT JUICE HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT jesus christ people like you make me sick i swear to g-- (PROCEED TO CHOICE 2)
4. You order a glass of white wine, hoping that it will be better than the red wine from last time (and the appendectomy, from the time before that). In retrospect, Duncan prefers the red. WELL, Duncan clearly views the past through "rosé"-colored glasses, because actually both the red and the white were pretty bad. You nod along to his criticisms anyway, in a rare attempt at something akin to being supportive.
A. Ummm... drink more? (PROCEED TO CHOICE 5)
B. Order a goddamn burger already, Jesus Christ Mary and Joseph hallelujah (PROCEED TO CHOICE 6)
C. Order a secular burger, blessed by the Noodly Appendage of the FSM Himself (PROCEED TO CHOICE 7)
5. You are pleased.
A. #^__^# (PROCEED TO CHOICE 6)
B. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (PROCEED TO CHOICE 7)
B. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (PROCEED TO CHOICE 7)
6. The garlic burger comes with thick flakes of fragrant fried garlic and a generous heap of bright green chopped chives, all delicately piled atop a nice slice of lemon or lime or whatever that you definitely cannot eat, not even a little. Frankly stymied as to the logic involved in this arrangement, you scrape off the edible bits and toss the offending citrus to one side, putting out Duncan's left eye in the process. Your plate doesn't look nearly as nice anymore (and neither does Duncan), but at least you already took the pictures.
A. Pair it with some rice (PROCEED TO CHOICE 10)
B. Steal a bite of the other burger (PROCEED TO CHOICE 7)
C. Team up with Duncan as he enters the next exciting stage of his increasingly nonsensical life, this time one of seafaring supervillianry (PROCEED TO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN)
7. This burger, one of the specialties of the establishment, is served in traditional Japamerican style with a side of plain spaghetti, and is topped with some sort of foamy eggy spit. A tomatoey broth is also involved. It is delicious, and you have no regrets.
A. Take a sip of the soup, cuz it was free, and soup (PROCEED TO CHOICE 8)
B. Steal a bite of the other burger (PROCEED TO CHOICE 6)
B. Steal a bite of the other burger (PROCEED TO CHOICE 6)
8. The miso soup is forgettable. Wait, why are you here again...?
A. Ask Duncan what year it is (PROCEED TO CHOICE 11)
B. Ask Duncan on a dinner date (RECEED TO PART I)
C. Ask Duncan about the election (PROCEED TO CHOICE 9)
9. You will have to refine your question. I mean, hellooooo, not everyone cares as much about American politics as you do... Such an American abroad faux-pas, WOOOW.
A. Ask Duncan about the US presidential election of 2016 (PROCEED TO CHOICE 11)
B. Ask Duncan about the growing election in your pants (PROCEED TO CHOICE 11)
B. Ask Duncan on a dinner date (RECEED TO PART I)
C. Ask Duncan about the election (PROCEED TO CHOICE 9)
9. You will have to refine your question. I mean, hellooooo, not everyone cares as much about American politics as you do... Such an American abroad faux-pas, WOOOW.
A. Ask Duncan about the US presidential election of 2016 (PROCEED TO CHOICE 11)
B. Ask Duncan about the growing election in your pants (PROCEED TO CHOICE 11)
10. The rice is fluffy and white, which is nice, but other colors of rice would also be nice. You don't discriminate. You wish there were more, but then again, you could have asked for more, for free, when you ordered. Soooooo...
A. Have some soup and think about what you've done (PROCEED TO CHOICE 8)
B. MOAR BURGER (PROCEED TO CHOICE 6, INITIATING AN INFINITE LOOP OF DELICIOUSNESS)
B. MOAR BURGER (PROCEED TO CHOICE 6, INITIATING AN INFINITE LOOP OF DELICIOUSNESS)
11. The Great Duncan is of course all-knowing, but, unfortunately, he reveals the secrets of the universe to only a very lucky few... All the same, entitled solipsist that you are, you think that you might as well give it a try. Assuming the attitude of an intrepid 18th century naturalist explorer, you put your bag in the peer-pressure purse-basket, tie back your hair, roll up your sleeves, and spelunk into the blueblue pools of his wise eyes. All is insanity and you drown immediately.
A. END GAME (END GAME)
2. Where did the general keep his armies? (PROCEED TO FOOTNOTE 1)
BAT. "Why rubbish, Master Wayne?" (PROCEED TO PART I, CHOICE 13)
⛵. BOAT BOAT BOAT (PROCEED TO CHOICE 1)
BAT. "Why rubbish, Master Wayne?" (PROCEED TO PART I, CHOICE 13)
⛵. BOAT BOAT BOAT (PROCEED TO CHOICE 1)
AWKWARDNESS: ✦✦✧
I hate that stupid purse basket. I have already put my purse on the ground, it is TOO LATE, I quite clearly do not care about its cleanliness and your nagging will not be enough to save either one of us. Plus another star for Duncan.
SNUGGLINESS: ✦✦✧
Loud again. Why are so many restaurants in Taipei so loud? :c
DISRUPTIVITY: ✦✦✦
An Asian interpretation of classic American cuisine. バーガー!
PRETEN$ION: ✦✦✦
It's fancy, but consider the rice and miso soup lagniappes! Then Google the definition of lagniappe, because you can't actually use the word lagniappe without a tangent on the word itself, and, as a lagniappe, a tangent on the English language in general. You're welcome(?).
THE fLaVO(u)Rz: ✦✦✦
Why am I here again...? Oh yeah it's yummy.
1. In his sleevies!!!
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