02 2737 1983
[In an last-ditch attempt to boost flagging readership, once popular food blog "Right Along Taipei" has been rebranded as an online magazine for the profitable "children from the ages of three to 23" demographic. The authors thank you for your continued support, and hope you all enjoy the new format.]
"WOW!" is what I said, when Avalon forcibly threw her laptop into my lap (forever ending my career as a professional sexer/sexee) to show me the latest issue of "Right Along Taipei"--we've truly outdone ourselves this time with the sheer amount of outrageous content!!!!! Depart this plane of men with a smile on by taking part in our new drinking game, learn some fun facts about us with which to impress your social worker, participate in our latest greatest bestest contest, and maybe even read a review if I remember to write it! More fun than a bag of kumquats in an ultracentrifuge!
fun facts!
Duncan's most outrageous act of heresy:
Duncan sometimes pretends to part automatic sliding doors like a sexier Moses.
Avalon's most outrageous act of heresy:
Avalon was responsible for the infamous "Avalon" translation of the Bible, in which every proper noun was translated as "Avalon".
fun facts!
Avalon is unable to survive the vacuum of space without socks.
Duncan knows π to 3.141? decimal places.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to look upon Duncan in the unforgiving light of day? Or ask Avalon to sign your nipples? Well, wonder no longer, troglodyte reader, for we are finally giving you the chance to have all of your illusions and expectations dashed upon the jagged rocks of reality! One lucky basement dweller will get to view Avalon and/or Duncan (or possibly their stunt doubles) from behind a bullet-proof window for a full EIGHT minutes! All you need to do is correctly answer the following question to enter the draw:
[In an last-ditch attempt to boost flagging readership, once popular food blog "Right Along Taipei" has been rebranded as an online magazine for the profitable "children from the ages of three to 23" demographic. The authors thank you for your continued support, and hope you all enjoy the new format.]
RiGH( t | ALoNG TaIPei
"WOW!" is what I said, when Avalon forcibly threw her laptop into my lap (forever ending my career as a professional sexer/sexee) to show me the latest issue of "Right Along Taipei"--we've truly outdone ourselves this time with the sheer amount of outrageous content!!!!! Depart this plane of men with a smile on by taking part in our new drinking game, learn some fun facts about us with which to impress your social worker, participate in our latest greatest bestest contest, and maybe even read a review if I remember to write it! More fun than a bag of kumquats in an ultracentrifuge!
XOXOXOXOXDXDXDXD
The Editors (Az and D-bag)
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The Editors (Az and D-bag)
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Duncan's most outrageous act of heresy:
Duncan sometimes pretends to part automatic sliding doors like a sexier Moses.
Avalon's most outrageous act of heresy:
Avalon was responsible for the infamous "Avalon" translation of the Bible, in which every proper noun was translated as "Avalon".
"Drink Yourself Cool" - The Game
Ever wished that you could be as cool as an Avalon, or failing that, as cool as a Duncan? Unfortunately, this is not possible, as the universe is a cruel and uncaring place.
BUT!
Now you can come close, without the need for costly and inconvenient hallucinogens and/or emotional disorders! Join our hosts in their beer and cheese adventure by drinking along at home whenever one of the following happens!
BUT!
Now you can come close, without the need for costly and inconvenient hallucinogens and/or emotional disorders! Join our hosts in their beer and cheese adventure by drinking along at home whenever one of the following happens!
Avalon orders a Watermelon Dorado IPA:
drink yourself happy
drink yourself happy
Duncan orders a Road Warrior IPA:
drink yourself hilarious
drink yourself hilarious
Avalon orders a pesto and cheddar cheese grilled sandwich:
drink until you start crying with joy at the sheer beauty of this sandwich
drink until you start crying with joy at the sheer beauty of this sandwich
Duncan orders a Dutch blue cheese grilled sandwich:
stop drinking you limey bastard, and enjoy this amazing sandwich and pickle
stop drinking you limey bastard, and enjoy this amazing sandwich and pickle
Avalon says something ironically racist:
take a sip for everyone in the room who has never heard of Poe's Law
take a sip for everyone in the room who has never heard of Poe's Law
Duncan says something racistly racist:
drink until suitably chastised
drink until suitably chastised
The barman makes a joke:
take a shot for every word Duncan failed to catch
take a shot for every word Duncan failed to catch
Avalon decides to go hiking:
drink until you can no longer feel your appendectomy scar
drink until you can no longer feel your appendectomy scar
Avalon is unable to survive the vacuum of space without socks.
Duncan knows π to 3.141? decimal places.
CONTEST-ICULAR CANCER
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to look upon Duncan in the unforgiving light of day? Or ask Avalon to sign your nipples? Well, wonder no longer, troglodyte reader, for we are finally giving you the chance to have all of your illusions and expectations dashed upon the jagged rocks of reality! One lucky basement dweller will get to view Avalon and/or Duncan (or possibly their stunt doubles) from behind a bullet-proof window for a full EIGHT minutes! All you need to do is correctly answer the following question to enter the draw:
Q: Avalon is to Duncan, as Sherlock Holmes is to:
1. John Watson
2. James Moriarty
3. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
4. Cocaine
4. Cocaine
TERMS AND CONDITIONS:
1. Contest submissions (to be addressed to "MRT guy, Taiwan") will be accepted from now until the heat death of the universe. A decision will be made after this date. Only one entry per contestant, but we're probably not going to check, so go nuts.
2. Winners must provide ALL of the following the day of the visit:
- Jiro Wang in a sexy maid costume;1
- Barbiturate-flavo(u)red ice cream;
- One Olympic-sized swimming pool containing the
golden ratio of chlorinated water to other people's urine
- One Olympic-sized swimming pool containing the
golden ratio of chlorinated water to other people's urine
3. The authors' decision is final. This is not a fucking democracy, christ.
TROUVER LES DIFFÉRENCES
Prove to your father that you are not a failure by finding all five differences between the two photos above! The answers are buried at the bottom of this page, right next to your father's moribund love and expectations.
fun facts!
Avalon is, in actual fact, a swarm of 8000 bees.
Duncan is invisible to ghosts, unless he is lightly coated with asbestos.
TROUVER LES DIFFÉRENCES -
Turn your phone/laptop/monitor upside down to read the answers!
Turn your phone/laptop/monitor upside down to read the answers!
uɐıןɐɹʇsn∀ ʍou sı ǝuoʎɹǝʌǝ puɐ ƃuıɥʇʎɹǝʌǝ (ϛ
ʇuɐuƃǝɹd ʍou sı ןooʇs s,uɐɔunp (ㄣ
ןןǝɔ-ʎq-ןןǝɔ 'pǝɔɐןdǝɹ uǝǝq ǝʌɐɥ 'ɹǝpɐǝɹ ǝɥʇ noʎ (Ɛ
ǝpısuı pɐǝp sı uoןɐʌɐ (ᄅ
ɹɐǝu sʍɐɹp sןnos ɟo ɹǝdɐǝɹ ǝɥʇ (Ɩ
:oʇoɥd ɯoʇʇoq ǝɥʇ uI
AWKWARDNESS: ✦✧✧
Duncan was in his natural habitat, and so any awkwardness was replaced with sleek majesty as he navigated the pub with aplomb.
SNUGGLINESS: ✦✦✧
Not entirely the fault of the lovely staff or the presumably lovely proprietors, but the viking-themed party upstairs (especially the dude who got hold of a microphone and refused to let go, like a drunk Heimdall at Valhalla's weekly karaoke night) made our heroes' visit a bit of a trial. Particularly as both Avalon and Duncan have painful genetic memories of having their homelands pillaged and torched by Scandinavians.
DISRUPTIVITY: ✦✦✦
There is an enormous selection of delightful IPAs, which perfectly compliment the sandwiches on offer.
PRETEN$ION: ✦✦✧
Not bad for the wonderful food and environment.
THE fLaVO(u)Rz: ✦✦✦
Lush. Duncan is almost tempted to replace his glistening eightpack with a beer and cheese belly.
1. Someone, at some time, once said that we are the mean average of the five people we spend the most time with. Duncan, since becoming 80% Avalon, 20% pigeon, really wants to infect Jiro Wang with psittacosis.
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